To the Reactive Dog Owners Who Feel Alone

This post is not necessarily meant to be informational, but rather to give insight into my own experiences and remind my fellow reactive dog owners that you are not alone.

I was once someone who had absolutely no idea what a reactive dog even was. That was until I adopted my sweet girl, Marlee.

It took me a long time to forgive her previous owner for never making me aware of her struggles with reactivity. Not because I would have loved her any less, but because I was left wondering where it all came from. Was it a fight? Poor training? Too much freedom without structure? Fear? Anxiety? The truth is, I’ll probably never fully know.

What I do know is that I was a completely unaware 21-year-old suddenly thrown into something I knew nothing about. I spent countless hours crying, researching, spending money on training, buying tools people recommended online, and trying desperately to “fix” her.

What many people don’t realize is that reactivity simply means a dog is unable to remain neutral around certain triggers. Whether your dog is pulling and whining because they desperately want to play, or lunging and barking because they feel threatened, both are forms of reactivity.

Marlee struggles with leash and barrier reactivity. As she’s gotten older, and through extensive training and consistency, she has improved tremendously. But it’s still something we work on every single day, and something I’ll continue working on for the rest of her life.

What confused me most in the beginning was how a dog who was genuinely PERFECT inside the house could seem like a completely different dog outside of it. Inside, she never chewed things up, never destroyed furniture, never got into anything she wasn’t supposed to, and listened to every command. But outside? It sometimes felt like I was handling a completely different animal.

And honestly, it broke my heart knowing that people who only saw her outside never got to witness who she truly was.

That experience sparked a passion in me not only for training, but for advocating for reactive dogs and for dogs who are judged simply because of the way they look or behave.

At the end of the day, dogs are animals. They do not speak our language. They cannot tell us when they are anxious, overstimulated, frustrated, scared, uncomfortable, or overly excited. And sometimes, no matter how hard we try to communicate with them, they simply do not understand what we are asking.

One thing I think about often is the fact that if I hadn’t adopted Marlee when I did, she was headed to a shelter. Knowing her the way I do now, I truly believe she either would have been euthanized quickly or would still be sitting there today, becoming worse and worse in such a stressful environment.

I think about all the dogs who are never given a real chance because they are judged at their worst moments. Dogs who are struggling in environments that other dogs may thrive in — dog parks, vet offices, busy neighborhoods, or even something as simple as a walk around the block.

As I’ve mentioned before, this journey has truly sparked a passion in me for helping and advocating for these dogs. I’m currently working on a project that I hope will help with many of these issues, and you all will absolutely be the first to hear about it.

And if you are a reactive dog owner, I need you to know this: I understand how hard it can be.

I never imagined that something as simple as walking my dog down the street could leave me in tears, completely defeated and discouraged. Some days, I genuinely think that if I were granted one wish, it would simply be for my sweet girl to feel calm and safe outside of our home.

Sometimes it takes absolutely everything in you to keep going. Sometimes the most dreaded part of your day is taking your dog on a walk. Sometimes you’re praying with your whole being that the neighborhood dog isn’t outside barking during your dog’s potty break.

But the beautiful thing is that giving your dog a safe space may become their entire world. Sometimes their reactivity comes from how deeply they love and protect you. Their anxiety skyrockets because they don’t know what could potentially be a threat to the person they care about most.

I wrote this not only to remind you that you are not alone, but to encourage you.

If yesterday’s walk took a toll on you, take a break today. Watch your favorite movie. Do a face mask. Eat your favorite treat. Give yourself grace.

One of the beautiful things about living in this day and age is that there are entire communities filled with people who understand exactly what you are going through. There are trainers, resources, support groups, and fellow dog owners who truly get it.

And when you start seeing progress — even the smallest progress — it becomes one of the most rewarding feelings in the world.

Keep going. Keep showing up for your dog.

One day, you may find yourself contributing to research, fostering reactive dogs, becoming the encouraging friend someone else desperately needs, or simply being the person who helped their dog go from living in fear to finally enjoying the beautiful world around them. At your side.

Let’s spread some encouragement in the comments 🤍

What are some things that have helped you on the days when it feels like nothing is getting better for your pup?